Watch and Learn \ Goren Gordon

When I was a young boy, I was on a childish quest. I wanted to know everything. That's why I always loved to hang around the adults. Not the usual adults, like an older brother or a parent, but the real ancient ones. I loved to go to my grandparents and ask questions. They answered what they could, and apologized kindly when they didn't know the answer. We had an old man in our neighborhood that knew everything. Each time I asked him a question; he looked at me, smiled, and slowly gave me a full answer. He knew who everybody was, when what happened and why, and just trivial questions about other trivial things. I always admired how old people knew more than younger ones. It didn't matter that the latter went to college, or were extremely bright and sophisticated. The old people just knew more.

When I got a little older, I wanted to be an old man. I wanted to know things and understand all that surrounded me. Of course, my parents were very happy, and decided that I would get what I wanted in college, but I knew better than that. I knew college will only get me a diploma, but won't get me the wisdom of old age. That was when I made the most critical decision in my life. I went to study. Not where, but from whom. I started to search the net (I wasn't against technology, I just knew the final answers were not there) and located the places of several old people that were rumored to have exceptional talents. Some kind of a mystical ability that enabled them to know more than others. Each one, of course, specialized in something else, but their wisdom was well known and most trustworthy. So I went to learn from them.

The first one I reached was an old retired sailor that sat all day in the front porch of his house and looked at the sky. I read on the net that weathermen came to him when they needed some advice about the forecast. Somehow, he was always right. It was said, in one site, that some time ago a young college student did a research and compared the old man's predictions to several of the most advanced weather models and he beat them all, by a long shot. This was the kind of wisdom I was after. I came by his house one day and greeted him. I said I came to learn from him. He immediately assumed I was another weatherman and told me it wouldn't rain until the day after tomorrow, and next week, snow will fall in the south. I smiled and told him I wasn't after these answers. 'I came to learn how you know what you just told me. What makes you more accurate than the best physical models that many scientists have developed over the years?' This time he smiled and answered this. 'When I was a young sailor, my old captain used to spend days and days sitting on deck and looking at the sky. I came to him and asked him what he was looking for. He answered that he wasn't looking for anything. He was learning. What might you learn from just looking at the sky, I asked. Everything, he answered. Just watch and learn. I joined him that day, and every day since then, I look at the sky and learn.' 'Learn what?' I asked. I looked at the direction he was looking and I saw nothing special. 'What do you see, young man, when you look at the sky? All you see are clouds. Many children like to imagine they look like sheep and dogs and rabbits. To you, it might look like a nice picture to put in a frame and hang over the fireplace. To me it's everything. It's the past and the future. It's here and there. It's all one might want to know about the sky above and the earth beneath it. Look at that elongated cloud, high above us. It's like a painting, isn't it? It's the rain I told you before, and the sunny weekend that passed us. You see how it moves to the east. Wait a minute and see how it goes. That is the snow that will fall in the south. You can know all of this and much more, just by looking.' I sat there with him until the sun went down, just looking at the sky. Sometimes I felt stupid, just staring aimlessly at a bunch of clouds, but slowly I began to see the beauty of it. There must be some kind of logic, or a more fundamental thing than just experience and a lifetime of watching. I still was a long way from the wisdom I sought. I thanked him and bid him farewell.

The second one I saw was an old Native American that botanical high-tech companies and the agriculture office hired often due to his exceptional understanding of plants. The sites said that he immediately knew what the plant produced, if it was sick and with what, whether it will survive the winter or will it wither and die. He saved them a lot of time and money, since they always trusted what he said, justifiably. It took me some time to track him down, since he was wanted in so many places.  Finally I met him in a greenhouse of one of the genetic engineering start-up companies. I looked at him as he walked through the rows of plants, surrounded by people with pads, and nodded and nayed intermitedly. Finely, he finished his round and all the white coated scientists went to summarize all he had said. I approached him then and introduced myself. He looked serious and told me he had a busy schedule and that he had no time for chit-chat. I read on one of the business journals that he had made a fortune out of this business and contributed all his money for the preservation of wild life in the country. Since he did have a noble cause, and time is money, I pleaded with him just to ask him one question. He nodded, agitated, and I asked 'How can I do what it is that you do? How can I know what you know?' His frown softened a little and he answered, while pointing to a nearby plant. 'Watch and learn. Look at the plant. It is not just a beautiful creation of the spirits. It is a world within itself. It tells you all there is to know about the past, about the surrounding. If you watch, you can learn all there is to know. That is what I do.' He greeted me, and went. I spent several minutes watching the plants in the greenhouse, until one of the workers sent me away, as he thought I was spying. All the way home I looked at trees, flowers and even weeds. I focused for two hours on a flower that grew in my garden. I thought I was beginning to see what the old shaman was talking about, but then evening came. Something was troubling my analytical mind. There is something in common with the weather. I couldn't point it out, but I felt it inside of me.

The last one I met was an old lady that lived in a quiet suburban neighborhood. It was told that she was an empath. She immediately knew what everyone was feeling and could help them ease their pain. Since I didn't believe in supernatural powers, I thought maybe this talent has something to do with the others. I went to see this specific lady, since she said in one of the interviews with her she doesn't believe in supernatural powers either. She just knows things. I knocked on her door and she let me in. She looked at me for several minutes in silence. I waited until the awkwardness of the situation snapped me. 'I want to learn how it is you know what other people are feeling.' She looked at me with penetrating eyes, and I thought I was naked. 'Don't feel uncomfortable, young man. I know you seek some kind of an answer, but you won't find it here. I can give you advice, but your answer lies elsewhere. You are eager to know everything, but you are in some kind of a hurry. You want to have old age's wisdom, but you fear old age. You fear death. You are afraid that you will die, without finding your answer.' Her words stung like arrows in my mind. I have never thought of my quest as such, but she has stirred something inside me that will never rest again. My phobia of death has surfaced and I had to deal with it right here and now, if I wanted to or not. She continued. 'No one can control one's destiny and when or how he will die. You must not fear it, and accept that you are alive now. I do not seek anything in this life. I have my goals and those are to help people in suffering, like yourself, but I'm not afraid of the end of my life. You mustn't either. I know my words alone will not end your quest, so I will try and help you in finding your answer. You wish to know how I know all of this. I'm also not the first one you have asked this question. I don't know what the others have told you, but I just watch and learn. Look at me. What do you see? When you entered my house you looked at me doubtedly and thought I was just a sham. Maybe you were right. Now, however, you think other things. Now you believe I'm more than just an old woman. You judged me before by my appearance alone and not a full analysis of that as well. Now you judge me more by my words, since they have touched you so hard you are blind to me, now. I, however, watched you from the moment you have entered the door until the first word you spoke. I learned every bit there is to know about you. When you walk home today, watch someone. You'll be surprised how much you can learn about that person.' I have heard all she has said, but I was too overwhelmed by the first comments, that it didn't sink. I thanked her, and went home, not watching anyone.

I was like a zombie for the next couple of days until I reached the conclusion that what she has said was right. I had a phobia of death. My quest is to somehow beat old age by acquiring its benefits without its drawbacks. However, I have also reached the conclusion that while my quest was originally motivated by fear, it is still my quest. I would learn how to deal with my fear, without abandoning it. And when I was at some peace with myself, I watched. I was sitting in my garden, when a friend came by. I looked at him, and grinned. I looked at the grass beneath my feet, and smiled. I looked at the sky, and burst out laughing. He was puzzled, and when he asked, I just answered him. 'I haven't found the answer yet, but now I know the question. What do the small details tell you about everything else? What do the clouds' configuration and motion well you about the weather? What do the grass's color and height tell you about its genes and the soil beneath it? What does your smile tell me about how you feel? All you have to do is learn the connections between the small things and the large ones. When you know that, all you have to do, to know everything else, is to watch and learn.'

I have spent all my life seeking the connections, the dependencies and the consequences of small details on the behavior of the larger system. I have studied physics, biology and psychology. Some said I was over enthusiastic, my mother said I was addicted; my friends said I was mad. My wife, however, said I was the greatest husband she could have hoped for. All my life, during my studies, my trips around the world, my time with my family, I have watched and learned. I have applied all my studies to learn more, but I never abandoned the watching. I never feared my death again, even now, when it is so near. I haven't found my answer, but my quest was accomplished. I had lived my life, watched and learned.